A Second Life

I am cold, oh, so cold….

My nostrils tingle with the smell of ammonia.  I hear wheels tweaking under my weight as I am being rolled away.  I open my eyes and whiteness greets me – ceilings, walls, nurses’ uniforms, and even their skin.  It’s cold.

My lips feel dry.  I cry out weakly, “mummy, water”.  No response, only the sound of the wheels and the never-ending ceiling above me.  I am laying flat on my back and as I look down my body, I see suction tubes all over my chest.  I get scared but am too weak to cry.  I close my eyes.  The dry lips hurt.  Nothing happens even when I lick them.  I feebly moan, “Water.  Mummy please!”  I hear weeping.  Just quiet, contained sobs.  I wonder why nobody is responding.  Are they going to let me die of thirst?

I open my eyes again and see that the ceiling is still passing by overhead, more slowly now.  Nancy, the nice nurse leans over bringing something white to my lips.  It’s a wet cotton swab.  Is that all the water they are going to give me?  I hear more sobs and recognize that it’s my mother.  She is pleading with the doctor to give me more water.  I don’t see Dr. Stark but recognize his husky voice.  He is trying to explain to my mother that it’s not safe yet.  I hear my father speak but can’t hear what he is saying.  The wheels stop.  I feel something cold and shiny on my dry lips.  It’s water!  A whole spoonful!  I fall into a deep sleep.

Crash! I wake with a start.  My head and chest hurt.  I’m cold and feel something prickly on my arm.  I try to sit up.  An unfamiliar nurse comes to me right away gently making me stay still.  I realize the noise was of my I.V. cart that had bumped with the bed’s metal frame.  I was in a special room, not the ward with other kids.  I deciphered the letters on the frosted glass window.  It said, I.C.U.  “Now what could that mean?” I wondered, “A special code for the doctors – icu?”

I lay back in my bed to rest.  I think back the past month when we first reached London in a big airplane all the way from India.  I enjoyed my view of the clouds and toy-like houses below from my window seat.  On the way to my cousin, Anita’s house, I spotted red double-decker buses on the streets.  I also got to play with Anita’s cute toys and especially loved her tiny tea-set.  She is also 5, like me.  I remember the old Mrs. Rudge who babysat us some days.  Her daughter, Lorraine, was mean to me.  I also hated the food there, boiled meat and mashed potatoes.  Yuk!  Some days, though, Mrs. Rudge would take us to an indoor park where we could run around, jump on the trampoline, and play on the monkey bars.  There were also many other kids there our age.  We could never play outside since it was always raining.  I don’t even remember seeing Mr. Sun since we arrived here, in early March.  But we had to stay for my surgery, else I would die.

I had overheard my father tell somebody that my heart condition was called ASD/VSD.  Later, when I asked him he explained that I had a hole in my heart.  However, my main problem was that the flow of my blood went the wrong way and when it came to the hole the good blood was able to go to my body.  The doctor at the children’s hospital could fix me so I can run and walk, without gasping for air all the time.  My heart wouldn’t beat as loudly anymore and my face won’t turn blue whenever I cried.

Suddenly, I hear a squeak from the door and quiet footsteps entering my icu room.  I see mummy and papa and give them a big smile.  They are overwhelmed with joy, tears going down their cheeks.  Their eyes show love and relief.  Their daughter had returned from the clutches of death.  I learn that I will be moved to the ward tomorrow.  I can see all my friends again, even Lisa, who gave me the big activity book with fancy markers.  But soon I will be able to go home, back to India on the big airplane.  I can see my baby brother who is with grandma.  Soon I can play all the running games with my friends and won’t feel left out.

I feel very tired.  My eyelids are getting heavy and I feel drifting into dreamland seeing bunny shaped clouds, toy houses, tiny cars, little people, and a giant tea-set.